Day 46: End of Month Review

Okie dokie folks. Much has happened since I first started this undertaking on getting my health and life back on track. What I have learned so far is that everything is very dependent on me getting some well needed rest. Basically put, if I am not getting the proper rest, I am about as useless as a bump on a log. So for the past few days I have been getting approximately six hours of sleep versus only three (well, except for tonight)…and WOW what a difference! I feel like a different person already and it has only been three days. The foggy brain is going away, my energy is coming back, my moods are changing, the ability to cope with major changes is much easier…and the list goes on.

So my goal this month is to get at least 6 hours of zzzzz’s EVERY night...starting tomorrow night.  :o)

Day 45: You Raise Me Up

To all my fans, my family, my friends, my community of amazing supporters…I dedicate this song to you. Thank you for being there when my wings have trouble remembering how to fly. You are beautiful to me.

Song Lyrics

Day 44: I Chose This

I am going to risk sounding a little woo-woo today for the sake of what I think is important to share. Read or don’t read…up to you.

The way of a Spiritual Warrior is not one that is often chosen. It is the path less trodden and travelled for a reason…it is hard. It is in your face, it challenges you, it stretches you well beyond your comfort zone, and is about as comfortable as sand in your underwear. Not even the Hokey-Pokey shake can save you on the latter.  Today, for me, was no exception.

Now I do realize that I chose this route; the path to become a spiritual master of sorts – which is really about mastering your “self”. I literally asked for it and now it is happening. This isn’t the first time either, so I know that I will come out the other side changed and for the better; however I will admit that at this moment I feel mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually maxed out from it. Some of you may understand it as the “Dark Night of the Soul”. Either way, my spirit is surely being tested and put through the ringer. Thankfully I have a great network and community of people who truly care and are supportive. There is a part of me that wants to tell you what is going on, but I am not ready to…so you will just have to wait. Honestly, I am scared to. So for now I am going to bid you goodnight so that I am able to recharge and regenerate my batteries and start a new day fresh, and see what tomorrow brings.

Bon nuit!

Day 43: Attention Goes Where Intention Flows

I must say, today has probably been one of my most productive days thus far, so I will tell you what I have been doing differently.

First, I have been getting more sleep which not only decreases the anxiety, but also increases my thinking capacity. No more foggy-brain, means more ability to stay focused…thereby decreasing stress. Only makes sense really.

Second, I made a list of the things I wanted to accomplish today the night before. Now this method is NOT new to me; however my typical list is about 20+ items long and none of which usually get done - too overwhelming. This time though I narrowed it down to my top four most imperative, “can’t wait another day” items. Now I don’t know about you, or if it is just a woman thing…or perhaps just a Nicole thing, but I tend to have at least 20 things on my brain at all times. I call this the monkey-mind and I need to feed it bananas every now and again to slow it down.

Third, and most important, is focus. I typically get distracted very easily…OOOOOOO… SHINY OBJECT! Yes, sometimes that easily. I call it stimulation overload, and these days with all the technologies out there, multiple distractions, and media all vying for our attention, it is so easy to stray from our original objective. At least “I” am that way right now. I haven’t always been mind you. I used to have a tunnel vision type of focus when I was younger and was very productive; however over the years it seems as though I too have fallen into the trap of immediate gratification and the many life distractions. So the key here is focused intention and ATTENTION.

What do I mean by that? Well, anytime that my thoughts or attention would stray from my original four tasks…umm…let’s say FaceBook for instance, I would immediately ask myself three questions:

“Is it on my list?”

“Is this (new thought/distraction) absolutely necessary RIGHT now?”

 “Is this distraction taking me closer to or farther from my intention and what I want to complete today?”

If the answer to the above is no, then I get back to my list and remind myself how good it will feel when I have completed it. And it is true, I do feel good! It is really a matter of discipline I think, and reminding yourself of your end goal and why you are doing it. Make your “why” big enough to overcome the many distractions along the way.  At times if feels as though I am playing the roles of both parent and child; the parent who knows what is best for us to succeed (and unfortunately usually boring), and the child who wants to go out, have fun, and explore. Is this just me or is there anyone else out there picking up what I am putting down?

Anyway, I am happy to say that I have completed ALL of my top four tasks today and I feel really fantastic for actually following through on all of them. And just in case you did not know, here is a tid-bit of info for you:  the mere act of completing something not only gives one a sense of accomplishment but is also a sure way to boost your confidence levels too.

So go ahead and get focused! Ask yourself what is it that you want to accomplish today!

Even Santa has a list.

Day 42: Hi. My Name Is Nicole...And I Am A Workaholic.

It is true. I am. Everyone I know says I work too much and I work too hard. I don’t mean to, but I think it is somewhat ingrained in me. I come from a background in farming where you get up before everyone else does and you go to sleep after everyone else does. A farmer’s work is never done and he takes much pride in tilling his land; much the same for an entrepreneur. It is hard to walk away and take a break when you put that much of your personal energy into something that you love doing.

As with everything though there must be balance, which is why I am going to start making myself take time off. I know, that sounds weird. Not many people need to be forced to take a break…but apparently I do. It is hard to shut off the brain of an entrepreneur though, as it seems to run all the time. It is for this reason why I look forward to my Vipassana retreat experience this summer where I have no other option but to sit in silence and meditate from morning until night for 10 days straight, letting all else go. It will be quite the profound experience I am sure.

Let’s just hope that my monkey brain doesn’t go bananas.

Day 41: Feelings of Gratitude

You know what keeps me motivated? You.

When I receive emails or comments from people regarding what I write and how it affects them or how they can relate to it…that is what does it for me and what keeps me writing and sharing every day. My goal is to affect major change in this world, and I do hope that it catches on and goes global someday. I not only want to re-educate people on how to feel and be better, but I also want to inspire people… and I am doing it in the only way I know how - by being here, being real, and being relatable.

So thank you to all of you who read these posts and are following my journey. My heart is here in my words, and I am glad to be sharing them with you. By you reading and following me I know that I am supported. By your comments I know that I am not alone.

Thank you all.

*big hugs*

Day 40: I Must Have Three Eyes or Something

You know, I find it amusing that it is so hard for other people to understand the concept of me being single for a year. Is it really that tough to grasp? I usually get a wide array of responses and weird looks, but the funniest and most common comment I have come across so far is, “So just got out of a bad relationship, huh? What did he do?”

LOL

Um, no…and nothing!? I find it interesting that the moment someone decides to do something to better themselves so that they may be successful in all parts of their life, that they are looked at as though they have an eye in the middle of their forehead. Honestly, I think we could all use a little introspection from time to time. Wouldn’t hurt.

What I find even more interesting though, is that even though I have written it here and am very direct when I meet guys…they keep trying anyway, time and time again. Sorry dudes, but if you are looking for anything more than friends then you are going to lose on this one. This is not a game or a tactic. I am not playing a game of manipulation, hard to get, or reverse psychology.  When I say I am not interested, I genuinely mean that I am not interested - I don’t care who you are. I have far bigger fish to fry this year and I seriously do not need the distraction.

Trust me, the end result of me after one year will be far better anyway.

;o)

Day 39: Taking Care of #1

That would be me. I haven’t exactly been kind to myself sleep-wise lately, so seeing as I am done like dinner, fried (not baked), with eyes half-open perhaps I should get some shut-eye. So yes, I am going to bed now…just after midnight.

Goodnight wonderful world!

Day 38: Let's Get Naked

You know what I love? This. Being able to be openly candid and real with everything is very liberating. For perhaps the first time in my life I am being completely and utterly honest with everyone including myself.  What I mean by that is, I am being 100% me. No fakeness, no masks, no pretending to be something I am not, no trying to be perfect, not trying to be liked, not trying to fit in, not trying to seek acceptance…nothing. For the first time I get to say what is on my mind and not make it pretty, I get to be goofy and be ok with it, and I can be open with everything and not care about being judged for it.  Sure it is scary at times. I mean if you think about it, I am exposing myself to potentially 6.8 billion people. Figuratively speaking, I am being stripped naked. So yeah, a little intimidating, but I try not to think of it that way.

A couple of times now, I have been asked why in the world would I do this and expose myself. Why would I share such personal experiences in relationships, life or whatever? This is what I say:

“I do this blog the way I do because I have a greater vision of what is possible for humanity, and at the end of the day I hope to inspire change and will do what I can to support that. I am looking to put the real back in the “real” world.

I believe that once we strip away our thoughts of how different we are to see the truth of how similar we are, then there will be much more kindness, compassion, love, acceptance and understanding in this world. And when we strip away the fear of truly being seen and stop pretending to be something we are not, then there will be less pain within ourselves.

I know for a fact that people are looking for a safe space to be more real and be less afraid to be themselves, to speak out and be heard, to be loved and accepted…it is what our soul unconsciously yearns for.  Yet we are afraid to share it for fear of being rejected or hurt. I am telling you, we generally feel the same things. So I write this blog as much for me as I do for you.  I write to blow the lid off and expose what everyone is so afraid to say or share.

I want you to know that you are not alone, and that someone somewhere understands what you are going through or experiencing…or at least cares enough to try to understand. I am not perfect, I do not pretend to live a cookie cutter life, nor would I want to…no one can relate to that. I certainly can’t. I want to show you that underneath it all I am just like you and that it is ok to be you, just the way you are. In fact, you are the best you when you are the most you. I want to show you that who you are is enough. I want to show you that it is ok to be afraid and say so. I want to show you that it is ok to need help and seek it. I want to show you that it is ok to “show up”, play big, be vulnerable, be open, be honest and be free in it. I want to show you that we don’t need to pretend anymore.”

I say this because I used to be the opposite of all those things. I have spent most of my life hiding and playing small, trying to be perfect, people pleasing, and all the rest. And let me tell you, if you are doing this, not only are you cheating yourself but you are also cheating others of the real experience of you. Be authentic…there is only ONE you, there is only one me.

I also write this blog so that people might interact with it, whether anonymously or not. What you have to say is important, and by sharing you too are helping someone else connect. The more we share our own experiences, the more we help each other, and the smaller our world becomes. We are meant to be in relationships with each other, whether romantic or not. It is through relationships and connecting that we grow. Inevitably, to know another is to know ourselves better.

So go ahead and get vulnerable. Be not afraid to show up and be counted. Be not afraid to show who you REALLY are. Ironically, it is in those things which we hide that others seek to find and fall in love with. It is our relatability that attracts; the realness that people can connect to. Yes it is risky, and yes it will hurt sometimes, but if you never risk you will also never see the reward. Know that it is ok, you are not alone, and you will survive…and that someone is looking to connect with the real you.

Shakespeare said it best when he said, “To thine own self be true.”

Day 37: Live Experiment With A Neti Pot

Ok, so I am going to try something new today. I have been suffering from sinus and allergy symptoms since my early teens, and heard about a remedy that could possibly help me…and it does not involve taking medication. Yay for me!

Now, I had heard about this technique years ago from my mother, who is also a natural healer, however we all know just how much kids like to listen to their parents, right? I was no exception to that rule either. Actually, I didn’t want to be anything like my mom (who is super wonderful and wise by the way)…and well, now I am almost exactly like her. HA! She too is a massage therapist. How ironic eh?

Anyway, I digress. In my earlier years, my mom told me about this technique of snorting water up your nose to clear your sinuses. At the time I thought she went off the deep end and looked at her with furrowed brow, but I tried it anyway out of curiosity. It didn’t go very well. The experience reminded me of my swimming lesson days as a kid where I was always choking on the water that seemed to rush up my nose and down my throat while I try to keep myself from drowning. I am still not keen on swimming.

The real problem though, was that I didn’t do it right. Just like swimming there is good form and bad form, and apparently inhaling and snorting water out of your hand was bad form. So when I heard about this thing called a “Neti Pot” which is specifically designed to irrigate your nose and wash out the sinus passages I was thinking “why hadn’t someone told me about this sooner?”

So I bought one today. I wasn’t even looking for one actually. I was perusing the aisles of Banyen Books looking for items for my office when I just happened to stumble upon it. Here is a picture of what it looks like:

It kinda reminds me of a genie lamp, so I rubbed it. No luck there. Darn it!

And just in case you are wondering what a Neti Pot is and does, here is what the box says:

“Nasal Irrigation, one of the principal purification practices of Aryuvedic medicine has been practiced in eastern cultures for 100’s of years. By simply washing out the sinus passages with a warm saline solution, you can reduce the symptoms of sinusitis, allergies, bacterial infections or clogged nasal passages. Use on a daily basis to ensure sinus health and improved yogic breathing. Reduce tension and anxiety.”

So apparently I am supposed to mix some salt in warm water and basically shove the long white part up one nostril while my head is upside down then pour in the water and have it drain out the other nostril. Sounds pleasant eh? Not exactly a trip to Paris (which is my “happy place” by the way). It is time to suck it up and stop being a wuss about it though. Bare with me now while I go step away from blogging for a few minutes and go test it out. This is a LIVE experiment. Let’s hope I do not drown this time.

*cue Jeopardy music*

Ok, am back. My nose feels a little weird, but totally harmless. Waaaaay better than my first experience. I read on one of the other Neti Pot boxes in the store that it may take up to one month for my symptoms to clear up though, so I will keep you posted.

In the meantime I will have to watch and make sure that I don’t leave it around my roommates. They told me it looks like a Chinese cup to drink alcohol with. Now I don’t know about you, but that is one cup I wouldn’t want to be clinking glasses with.

Ewwww.

HAHAHA!! I am such a cartoon sometimes.  :o)

Day 36: Drive A Mile, See A Mile

Do you ever feel that you are destined for greater things? I don’t mean hopeful or wishful or idealized thinking…I mean a deep insatiable knowing within, yet you have no idea why you have it or what IT even is? I get that, all the time, since I was about nine.

Call me crazy, call me whatever you like, but I am telling you that it is there. It is almost as if I am always given just enough information to get me to where I need to go, but no more than that. I liken it to driving at night to a place you have never been; all you can see is the mile in front of you where your headlights shine, and the more you drive the more that will be revealed, until you finally arrive. Drive a mile, see a mile; drive another, see another.

I am beginning to figure that it is because if I knew the whole truth and what it would take me to get me there, I probably would not do it. And if this feeling is right, it will be significant AND it will also require a lot of me.

Let me put it this way, over the next short while I will definitely be  s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d.

Day 35: Back At Square One

Ok, so only one more day of my lymphatic drainage detoxing left and then I am done. I tell you, I will be ready for celebrating. My 21-day lymph buddy has noticed major changes in her body though– everything from weight loss, to firming and toning, generally healthier, and other things. Me…well not so much. Here’s why: self-sabotage. Yep, I admit it…eating Tim Horton’s Tim Bits amongst a list of other things sure didn’t help me either.

Truth is, I took on too much at once, and we all know what happens when you put your focus in too many places at the same time…NOTHING. This means I will have to start off at square one once again. Back to the drawing board for me! Welcome to my learning ground.

I did figure out something super important along the way though. I discovered where I need to start first, so all is not at a loss. I realized that the one thing that was affecting everything like a domino effect was my sleep, or rather the lack thereof. I simply do not get enough…3-4hours, and sometimes two hours just doesn’t cut it. I am surprised that I can even function, yet I do, just not at capacity. Sounds so simple to correct, yet for me it has always been tricky.

So this time, tackling my sleep habits is what I am going to start with in Round #2 of my attempts to get healthy. I don’t exactly have a blue-print to work from, so every day I am learning what works and what does not. Rome wasn’t built in a day, babies fall hundreds of times before they walk…and I am no different. It is only from our “failures” that we learn how to be successful. Setbacks are expected. It is what it is.

So here is my goal. If I can start going to bed at either midnight or 1am first instead of 4am, then I would be making progress. My goal is to get at least 6 hours of sleep per night…8-9hours would be golden. What do you think? If there are any goal-setters in the crowd who can help me out with tips or tricks on this one, your feedback would be appreciated. Feel free to leave me a comment. Thanks. J

Day 34: Apparently My Eyelids Have Holes

It is time for another round of regularly scheduled maintenance. After a very thorough and careful inspection, I have discovered many small holes in my eyelids. Please excuse the temporary setback while I go to work and patch them up.

“EYELIDS UNDER CONSTRUCTION”

Day 33: I Was Born To Do This

If you don’t already know, I am a deep DEEP relaxation massage practitioner by trade, and if I haven’t already told you or you haven’t already guessed it…I LOVE my job! To be honest, if I didn’t need to financially support myself, I would probably even do it for free. Yes, I love it THAT much. I have a hard time even calling it a job or work because it doesn’t even feel like it. It feels more like play time, like I get to do it. Which by the way, is something I never EVER take for granted. I am deeply grateful to have discovered a sense of purpose so young, because I do realize that some people never figure it out.

My work brings me great joy, love, happiness and sense of fulfillment every day, and believe it or not, I get even more energized after each session too. I know that doesn’t make sense to most, but it is true. The more I give, the more I get in return. Giving IS receiving – and when done honestly without the limitations of expectations, you cannot have one without the other. Being able to contribute and serve others gives me a greater sense of purpose… like I have earned my place in this world. It truly brings me peace to my soul.

What I love most though, are the wonderful people I meet, the conversations we have, and the connections we make. Just like family, quality time is key.  And I for one, am genuinely grateful for each and every person that passes through my door, who by just showing up, allow me to continually do what I love.

To all my clients…THANK YOU. Today’s blog is for you. J

Day 32: Dude…Who Cut The Cheese?

Ok, I DID have a great and powerful blog post today, but something else came up that was waaaaay funnier. I debated on whether I should tell the story or not, but what the hell, it is far too funny not to! My comedic-quirky side just couldn’t resist. LOL

I have said it before, and I will say it once again - the less I try the more I get asked out. I swear on my grandfather’s grave, it is the oddest thing. No joke. And I always end up in the funniest of situations too… tonight was no exception. So without further ado, here is the scoop. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Today is Day 17 of my 21 day Lymphatic Drainage (LD) massage detox cleanse, with only four more days to go. WOO HOO! For the past 17 days I have been doing an exchange massage with another practitioner to experience the lymphatic massage, in order to know better the service that I offer to my clients at my own massage studio. Only makes sense right? Anyway, I was on my way to my practitioner friend’s house to do the detox massage when I bumped into a stranger with the funniest, most unusual pick up line ever. Here’s how our conversation went.

 *while waiting in the condo lobby*

Random Stranger: OH MY GOD! Do you smell that?

Me: (smells the air…someone bombed one…SBD - silent but deadly) - “Yes I do.”

Random Stranger: I swear it wasn’t me! It was that guy that just walked out of the building. I think he needs to get his stomach checked…smells like something died. (laughs) …So are you single?

Me: (laughs) Yes, but not dating for a year.

Random Stranger: Can I have your number anyway? We can still do coffee right?

 *small quick conversation before he heads to the elevator door*

Random Stranger: OH MY GOD! It smells over here too!

Me: (laughing my ass off)

How’s that for straight to the point and totally catching someone off guard eh? Actually, I am still laughing about it. Smooth move...easy on the Ex-lax.

 

 

Day 31: How Honest Are You...With You?

I had a rather interesting conversation with a good friend about “honesty” today. It got me thinking - how honest are we? I mean, if we were TRULY honest in relationships, with others and with ourselves, would there be as much suffering? I doubt it. So why aren’t we?

Seeing as I can only speak for myself, I will use myself as an example.

I actually consider myself to be a very honest person, and so do those who know me. Ask me anything and I will tell you. And when it comes to relationships I am no different, I am dead honest. I have done the runaround enough times to know better. There are other areas in my life however, that I had and have to take a serious look at and get real with. Didn’t even know I was deceiving myself, but the consequences were and are evident. I will tell you about that on another day though.

So today, considering that my blog theme is about “Attracting Mr. Right”, I would like to talk about honesty within relationships instead. Ask yourself this…Have you ever been in a relationship that you knew in your heart that it wasn’t “it”, yet created reasons to stay anyway? Compromised your own values or tried to fit into someone else’s mould or ideal to be liked? Settle for less? Or how about staying, hoping for “them” to change?

Hate to say it, but it’s all lies…and of the worst kind too. Lying to yourself, creating your own misery. Doing any of the above is like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. It just doesn’t work, and will only create friction, aggravation, and cause pain. I know this because I have done them all, many times over, and over…and over. Lesson continued until a lesson learned I have been told, and let me tell you…I have certainly learned. I even have the “wisdom hairs” to prove it!

Thankfully though, I finally “got it”. It had been a long learning process of self-evaluation and seeking truth. I figured out the relationship thing a little while ago already, which is why I am not interested in settling for anything less than what I already know I deserve. I had to get REALLY honest with myself on what I wanted and what I was doing however, and I now no longer fall into the same fear traps I once did. Letting go of the fear is quite liberating actually, and is also the major motivating factor on me being single for the next 334 days – I am definitely ok with taking my sweet time to choose more wisely. Honestly, I am in absolutely no rush. Mr. Right can wait.

Day 30: The One Month Marker

Can you believe that one month of blogging has already gone by? I can hardly believe it myself. Time just seems to fly by, and far too fast. I never really understood how time can seem to stand still when you are young. I remember thinking how a day seemed like forever, and I would often find myself saying, “Is today done yet?”

Now I am finding the opposite to be true, saying “Where did the day go?” To that I say, I’m not really sure.

Anyway, as promised before in a previous blog post I said that I would do a follow-up on my progress mid-month and end of month…and here we are at my first month mark.

Now I wish I had some mega miracle change to tell you all about, but I don’t….not yet. But here is what I have noticed thus far.

I have noticed that when you are looking to build something fantastic from something that already exists, there needs to be some tearing down and removal of old parts that no longer work in order to make things anew and fresh again. It is a necessary part of the building process that requires time and patience. So far this month I have been feeling the effects of it, and I am only half way through. Even my gut knew something big was about to happen this month, which if you look back, was even foreshadowed in my March 1^st post. I remember feeling a dark, ominous, not-so-great, intuitive feeling lurking in the pit of my stomach that day. Can’t explain how I know things sometimes, I just do. So now, when I take a step back and look at what is going on, it looks as though, and feels as though, I am being deconstructed and broken down in all areas of my life (as I originally asked to happen), so that I may be built back up again. In essence, I am both literally and figuratively being detoxified – detoxify meaning “to remove; to get rid of and purify”. And let me tell you, in the process I feel as though I have been run over by a MAC truck, twice over.

Deconstructing beliefs, habits, and everything else in between that hasn’t been working has definitely worn me out and broken me down, however my mother and my father never raised a quitter. I have taken a few hard knocks this month, yes; and I have also experienced some very scary awakenings that have shaken me up quite a bit and brought me to my knees (those of which I will share with you another time), but none of which will keep me on the ground for long. What I have learned from everything thus far is where my major weaknesses are. Having them stare back at me has been both an awakening and a blessing, because now I can take a good honest look at them and progressively work from there. I can no longer hide from truth. And believe it or not, I am actually thankful for such a HUGE learning curve and eye-opening experience. Awareness is half the battle; leaping into action is the rest…learn and grow, and learn some more. True failure only happens when you choose to not get back up again. And you best believe that I will always rise again, for in this lifetime, I know I am meant to fly. So too are you.

I believe Robert Frost said it best when he said, “The only way out is through.”

And I believe I say it best when I say, “Mr. Right…when all is said and done, you better be bringing me flowers!”   LOL

Day 29: Counting Sheep

Today I am going to do an experiential learning about the value of sleep. Please excuse me while I close my eyes for awhile and inspect the inside of my eyelids for holes. This regularly scheduled maintenance may take awhile, so I will report back my findings tomorrow. ;-)

Day 28: How Committed Are You?

When you think of commitment, you think of relationships. Am I right? That’s typical. However, did you know that how you do one thing is how you do everything? Makes you think, doesn’t it.

Commitment requires discipline and is bound to come with tests – typically in your weakest moments. It is a natural part of the process. I for one, have been tested on my commitments a lot lately, and seemingly more so since I started this blog. What I have learned thus far is that it is a lot easier to keep a commitment to others, and hold ourselves accountable to others that it is to commit to ourselves. Why? Because someone else is depending on us. It’s usually a fear thing. When it comes to fulfilling a commitment to ourselves however, we often fall short and make excuses.

No time.

Too busy.

 Too tired.

Tomorrow.

It’s not that important anyway.

It’s just me…it’s ok, doesn’t matter.

Sound familiar? I know it won’t hit home for everyone, but I certainly know some of you can relate to what I am saying. Commitments to self are often the hardest to keep, yet the most important ones we should keep. A commitment kept towards someone else means we value them enough to follow through; a commitment kept towards ourselves means we value ourselves enough to follow through. So then the question becomes, do you value yourself enough to stay committed to yourself?

Let me share a couple of my experiences on this subject thus far.

I get tested on the relationship commitment daily. In a world full of “shiny” things, it is easy to get distracted and lose focus. Yet every day I remind myself and reaffirm my reason why. What I am after is more important and has more value to me than any relationship can offer at this point. I don’t care if you are Brad Pitt, Zac Efron, or “Heartthrob Rob” Pattinson. I am very solid in that. Still, I get tested…as if to say “Are you still sure?” And to that I say, “Yes. I am sure.”

My other test was with my 21-day lymphatic drainage challenge. Every day for the past 13 days I have gone and done a lymphatic drainage exchange with another practitioner - a minimum two to three hour commitment rain or shine, early morning or late at night, crazy schedule or not…absolutely NO excuses. We made a commitment to each other, and when one didn’t feel like doing it, it was our job to remind them why we were doing it. The trouble came though when it was already past midnight with two crazy schedules and we BOTH didn’t feel like doing it, and hoping the other would cancel. We easily could have and had every good reason not to…but we didn’t, and thankfully so. The results at the end of it all will be a far much greater reward. It did make me look at how I view my commitments when the going gets tough though…quite an eye opener. Only 8 more days and then I am complete, and I tell you, it will feel soooo good to be done.

Morale of the story: When the going gets tough, the tough get going…keep your eye on the prize.

Day 27: Vipassana…Bless You! Need a Tissue?

You never know whose life you will touch or where your footprints will land. You just never know… and therein lay both the beauty and the mystery of it all. Everything and everyone has and creates an impact. Yes you, even you - especially you. Each word, each deed, each gesture, each conversation another ripple on the pond. If you don’t think you matter, you are wrong. We are all here, angles in disguise, to help each other remember how to fly. The question is... are we paying attention? Are we open enough to hear it or notice it when it comes? Apparently I was, as mine showed up in a chance meeting over sushi and a miso soup.

A couple of days ago I met up with a friend of a friend whom I had never met before, and had one of the best conversations I have ever had. It was like meeting an old friend. And even though I don’t remember the whole conversation I do remember two very clear messages I got that night. Have Faith. Vipassana. The first I understand. Surrendering and trusting that you will be taken care of…that everything will be ok. Vipassana on the other hand sounds like a sneeze.

What I learned from our conversation though, was that Vipassana was exactly what I have been searching for - a way of self-transformation. And what is even more exciting is that it has been on my vision board for the past two years and I didn’t even know it.

So I am taking the plunge. I decided today that I am going to do the retreat and will be doing it starting on my 31^st birthday this July. I figure that this would be the greatest gift I could possibly give to me….the gift of self. And as weird as this sounds, I am actually looking forward to finding myself within myself.

For more information on Vipassana and event locations (which are free by the way), you can check out the following link: http://www.dhamma.org/en/bycountry/na/

In the meantime, please enjoy this daily meditation quote I received this morning which relates perfectly to today’s topic. If you too would like to receive inspirational quotes every morning, you can find them at this address:  http://meditation.org.au/dailymeditation.asp.

“Through self knowledge you begin to find out what is God, what is truth, what is that state which is timeless. Your teacher may pass on to you the knowledge which he received from his teacher, and you may do well in your examinations, get a degree and all the rest of it; but, without knowing yourself as you know your own face in the mirror, all other knowledge has very little meaning. Learned people who don't know themselves are really unintelligent; they don't know what thinking is, what life is. That is why it is important for the educator to be educated in the true sense of the word, which means that he must know the workings of his own mind and heart, see himself exactly as he is in the mirror of relationship. Self-knowledge is the beginning of wisdom. In self-knowledge is the whole universe; it embraces all the struggles of humanity.” - Krishanmurti

Day 26: Mr. Roger’s on Prozac

Slept for six hours last night and woke up feeling alive again. I felt like I could actually breathe and think normally again. Ahhhhhhh. It is still not the recommended eight hours; however it is a LOT better than three! Life with a decent night’s sleep is so much different, too. Not only did I wake up with so much more energy, I felt like I just swallowed a happy pill. Seriously! Now granted I am typically a naturally happy smiley person, but today you can multiply that tenfold. I felt like Mr. Rogers on Prozac. So if you suddenly see me break out into song one day, skipping down the street singing “It’s a beautiful day in this neighborhood…” asking you to be my neighbor, I assure you that it is only because I got a good night’s sleep and nothing more. I’m still single for another 339 days remember?! That’s a looooong time. I tell you though, some days I feel like I am on a wheat-free, gluten-free, dairy-free, vegetarian, raw, organic, mono diet at an “all you can eat buffet”…where I can only look with big wide eyes but not touch. On those days I am thinking “Someone, pleeease throw me a cracker!”

 What? It’s made of wheat you say? Then at least let me lick the salt off.

Ok, so maybe I am not that bad, but some days…

Let me just say that on day 340 I’ll be singing more than a show tune, more like a full blown musical…and highly unlikely because I got six hours of sleep. LOL

Hmmm 339 days huh? Oh boy.

Day 25: Tomorrow Never Comes

If there is one thing that I am really good at it is procrastination. And as you know, I have been prolonging my sleepless nights for far too long now. “Tomorrow I’ll go to bed earlier” or “Someday soon when I have less to do”, I’d say. Yet you know as well as I do that “tomorrow” and “someday soon” never actually arrive….and there will always be something to do. So tonight, instead of staying up until 4am to write like I normally do, I am actually going to tackle yet another health challenge, and go to bed early like I have been saying I would do.

There is no better time to start than the present.

Goodnight world!

Day 24: Cliff Jumping…Going Off The Deep End

Nearly a month already gone. Boy how time flies! When I started this life detoxification process I didn’t really realize what I was getting into, nor realized how crazy it would become. I feel like Alice, you know from Alice in Wonderland. Had I known how far down the rabbit hole I would go, I don’t know if I would have actually started. And I haven’t even hit the bottom yet. Naivete can sometimes be a blessing in disguise I guess.

This journey started as a leap of faith and I am not even sure what I will find yet. The uncertainty of the unknown surely creates some anxiety, just as it would anyone else I am sure…but I am doing it anyway. It reminds me of a time I went off the deep end (literally) and went cliff jumping in Jamaica. I knew it was crazy considering how afraid I was/am of deep water and heights, but I didn’t want fear to stop me from doing things in life. So I did it anyway.

I remember it like it was yesterday, and so I should as I nearly paralyzed myself that day. The view from the bottom looking up didn’t look so bad. It seemed like a good idea at the time. “Doable!” I say. (Don’t all ideas sound/look good at the time?) The view from the top, peering over the edge however wasn’t quite the same. Took me some conversations with myself to convince myself to do it - repeating “Mind over matter! Mind over matter!”

Note to Self: Self, best to listen to your inner voice next time. Not the impulsive one that makes you buy Ben & Jerry’s Cookie Dough ice cream…the other one. Bummer I know, but it’s for your own good!

So anyway, I jumped. Now, under normal circumstances I would have been fine and survived unscathed. However, the guy at the top decides to give me some last minute advice as I am mid leap in the air with one foot already off the ground…”Make sure you jump far enough out to miss the rocks!”

Um, couldn’t you have told me that sooner…before I was mid leap!?!

On my way down I probably could have had tea with the Queen. It felt that long. I remember thinking, “Shouldn’t I have hit water by now”? And I did what you should never do…I looked down. I was only half way yet and I panicked. Unfortunately my panic made me lose form and instead of going straight in, I was at enough of an angle with my legs bent that when I hit, it felt like I slammed against concrete. The pain from the impact was so intense I nearly threw up underwater. When I finally reached the surface for what seemed an eternity I realized I couldn’t move my bottom half, and thankfully when faced in extreme circumstances my brain goes into survival mode rather than fear. My only thought was, “Ok, what do I know how to do in this moment so I do not drown?” and that was to float. So I floated and swam on my back to the safety of the rock edge until I was able to climb out. Thankfully, by the grace of God, feeling returned after a few moments, but not without major internal damage. I was blue. And I don’t mean a little blue, I mean DARK blue jean blue from hip to ankle. Yeah, try sitting with that! YOWWIE!

Wish I could tell you it was fun, but it wasn’t. But at least I can say that I have done it and lived…barely. It took me months to heal, and even after the bruising was gone the inside still hurt. It was a learning experience, and I anticipate this journey will be much the same – some parts exciting, some parts scary, some parts painful, some parts even paralyzing…but I will survive and rest assured it will be memorable.

For now I am in float mode – recovering from a temporary paralysis, and I am wading at the rocks edge getting ready to climb back out. And I tell you, this time, I will have a new appreciation for that which I almost lost.

Day 23: Detours – Sometimes You Need To Get Off Track To Get Back On Track

I had an epiphany this morning on my way back home from a networking meeting that starts before most people do. On the drive, my driver and I got so involved in our conversation that we got off on the wrong exit and ended up OVER the bridge…far, far away from my home. We took the scenic route…for the second week in a row. HA!  We had a good laugh about it. Apparently that meant we weren’t done talking yet.

Our little detour got me thinking about the cliché “It’s not the destination, it’s the journey”, then realized…isn’t it the detours that make the journey? I mean, here we were in the car, our own living reality of exactly that…and something clicked for me. Sometimes you have to get off track to get back on track.

As you know I’ve been on this health and wellness program for 23 days now. I have definitely been feeling the effects of the double detox I am doing – still experiencing night sweats and 24hr long dull headaches. Admittedly I’ve fallen off the bandwagon a wee bit and realized this morning that perhaps I started off doing the wrong thing first. I discovered that my success and my failures with this journey ebbs and flows with my sleep patterns. Without getting the proper sleep, I am ensuring my failure.

As with every journey, the road is seldom a straight and narrow one, and mine is no different. I will continue doing my detoxing as planned, since I am already half way through, however now I will put a much more considerable focus on getting some sleep - proper sleep. I mean honestly, at the rate I am going with sometimes 3-5 hours of sleep per night (or less on Mondays), I am ensuring that I would be heading for an early grave. Not sure how I am going to tackle this yet as it has been an ongoing thing for me for many many years, but I will find away. Open to suggestions, solutions and tips too if you have any…and more than just “go to bed earlier”. HA! Easier said than done.

Day 22: Rapunzel, Rapunzel…Let Down Your Hair!

I told you from the beginning I was going to be very open, honest and candid. So here’s my story, well part of it anyway. A rather minute part, but nonetheless, it is still very significant in understanding where I am coming from and what I am overcoming this year. Welcome to the different “layers” of me.

Hair, we all have it…or at least had it at some point. For some it is a way to beautify, for others it is just to keep the old noggin warm. To me, hair is a big deal, but not for the typical girlie-girl aesthetic “I want to look pretty” reasons either, although yes, it is nice to have a nice doo too. It has always been more than that for me. Hair to me represents a sense of regained power and control.

Huh?

Yeah, I know it is weird, but hear me out. Everyone has something. Mine will make sense shortly.

Every time I go through a major life change or crisis I cut my hair, and usually to a pretty DRASTIC new look too. I mean from really REALLY long to buzzed in the back boy-short. My first cut didn’t count though. I did it because I was 6, my hair was in my eyes, I was really independent, and of course I did it right before school picture day. By the time I was done “evening out” my crooked bangs I had none left…just a really long forehead to look at. LOL!  My brother was worse with his self haircut though…he had down to the scalp patches. Hilarious to think back on it actually. I still remember it like it was yesterday. *Sigh*…kids will be kids!

So besides my earlier experimentation with the scissors, the first time I got my hair cut short was when I was 12. I had incredibly long beautiful hair and I cut it down to a mushroom cut. BAD IDEA! But I did it because I was going through a really rough time. Quite honestly it was my silent passive aggressive “f-you” to the world and all those in it who hurt me up to that point. It was a form of “I’ll show YOU who’s boss!” Now I know that would sound crazy to those who don’t understand the psychology of it, however it was the only thing that a 12 year-old has control over. It was a symbolic form of letting go of the past and starting over new again, clean slate. And when I did it, it temporarily restored peace to my soul.

Then I did it again three years ago at the age of 27 when I moved here to BC to start my life anew.

It is time though, to let that belief go. I have finally come to a time and place in life where I see more clearly, and I am ready to move on. I’ve done enough self work to know that my power doesn’t lie in my hair, no more than it does my fingers or toes. There is nothing to prove, as I already know that I am enough, and there is no one to assert myself to except to me. All my answers are right here.

So with that said, part of this year’s challenge has been to let my hair grow out. I no longer feel the need to keep it short in order to feel powerful because I already know that I AM powerful. And although I know it will take much longer than one year to grow back, it is and will be a process of reclaiming myself inch by inch and restoring my feminine energy back to balance. I don’t know about you, but I am actually quite excited!

For those of you curious to know what the end product will be like, here is a photo of me right before I chopped it all off in 2007.

A little different eh?

Day 21: Meet My New Baby

It has arrived! Finally, my very own Water Revolution ionizer…just for me. I can’t even begin to tell you how relieved I am that it is here. Drinking anything else just doesn’t cut it for me anymore. Never mind that I can actually SEE the difference, I CAN definitely taste the difference too. Goodbye stale acidic water, hello healthy alkalized water. YUM! What I am really excited about though is the experiment I have planned – does it actually makes a difference whether the water is stored in a glass or plastic bottle and for how many days will it actually maintain its pH level. Fun fun! I feel like I am back in school again doing science fair experiments, except that I am now doing them because I enjoy doing them…and I don’t get graded on it. Bonus!

So here is a picture with me and my machine…my new baby. Please, don’t laugh at my ghetto set-up. I didn’t know what else to stabilize the machine with except the bubble wrap it came in. LOL  At least I am resourceful!

Hmmm…what do you think, should I give it a name?

Day 20: The Seasoned Fisherman

It is only Day 20, and I just have to say, I don’t know what’s harder…tackling my health challenges or staying single! Is there anyone out there taking/making bets yet? LOL  

Seriously, it seems to me that the moment I decide to take a “time out” and get refocused on myself and what I want, that the guys want to come out and play. It happens EVERY single time, and I find it very ironic…amusing actually. So here is a tip for all of you single ladies (and men) – genuinely don’t want one, don’t even look for one, and you will get one. Sounds counter-productive, but I swear to you that it works.

It’s like fishing. You can bait and wait, and wait, and wait, and wait...and NOTHING. But the moment you turn around and pay attention to something else….ZINGGGGG…you got one!

Now here’s the thing. The “green” fisherman will likely lose the fish. Why? Because in his eagerness and excitement, he will reel in the fishy too fast and his line will snap. Patience Danielson! Take a lesson from the “seasoned” fisherman who knows to take it slow. Reel it in a bit, then give some slack, reel it in, then give some slack…and before you know it you will have it beside your boat for you to scoop out of the waters with relative ease. Just remember though, that if the fish doesn’t fit the “requirements”, then it is best to let it go. I know it is cliché, but “there are plenty more fish in the sea”, and your fish IS out there.

Ok seriously now, I’m hungry. Anyone up for some sushi?

Day 19 – Bliss in a Bottle

No, I do not mean alcohol…but keep reading to find out!

So it is the beginning of March, and I find myself in the middle of one detox and at the beginning of another.  Essentially, I am spring cleaning my insides - getting rid of the old stuff that no longer “fits”, and making room for the new. Eventually that equates to a Mr. Right.

In a relatively short period of time, I have been forced to look at a lot of things about myself that are not good and have not been working for me. I have essentially been experiencing a domino/snowball effect of changes that have permeated all areas of my life. What I didn’t think about is how much mental stress and anxiety I would be creating when implementing a LOT of big changes in such a little time frame. So lately, I have been feeling a little bit like a shaken snow globe, except less sparkly.

But remember…I asked for this! Since Day 1, I said “I am looking at making a HUGE lifestyle change, a 180 degree paradigm shift”. Well now I am getting it. I just didn’t realize that it would be so uncomfortable and so scary. The saying “Be careful what you wish for, you might actually get it” comes to mind. One radical transformation coming right up!

What I have discovered about myself recently though, is how much fear both initially immobilizes me and then motivates me into action…once I snap out of it that is. Lately, I’ve been in a state of overwhelm and have been immobilized by a few fears, of which I will share with you later down the road as another blog topic. Yesterday however, a good friend of mine (and fellow practitioner) told me about a homeopathic medicine designed to “calm and stabilize” the body and mind. And holy cow, it sure does! I now call it “Bliss in a Bottle”. I absolutely LOVE this stuff. How I ever lived without it before, I don’t know. All I know is that I have never felt so calm and relaxed, yet incredibly focused, with the ability to think and concentrate with such clarity and ease before. I feel like someone just turned one switch off and turned a different one on. It’s weird but good, and I am VERY grateful. I finally feel like I’m back in the saddle and no longer hi-jacked by fear, worry or stress. GIDDY UP!

For those of you in the same boat as me and wanting a natural remedy and are in need of a quick fix for your stressful day, I HIGHLY recommend this stuff. It really does work. It’s called “Traumica”, and on the side of the box it says “helps to calm and stabilize after emotional or physical trauma. Also for physical trauma resulting in a sore, bruised, dazed state.” Try it for yourself and leave a comment here if you like. I like it so much that I am looking to offer it in my massage studio in the very near future as well. Here is a picture of it if you are looking for it.

Before I go though, as a legal obligation, let me first say this. I am not a doctor and anything I say here in this blog or any posts are not meant to be a medical replacement. I am merely a curious human being looking to better my own life, and am testing and trying out different things to see if they work so that I can report back to you with an unbiased and honest opinion. Please use my advice at your own discretion and risk.

Day 18: Double Dose of Detox...Yowzers!

Alright folks, as if one detox wasn’t enough, I am now doing two. Yes, that’s right, I said TWO…and both at the same time. This could get interesting!

As you already know, I’m in the midst of a 30 day colon cleanse detoxing program. Why? For two reasons:

1)      Change happens from the inside…out. So if I am looking to attract Mr. Right, I might want to start at the VERY basics, at the VERY beginning. Essentially, you are “building” yourself. When you build anything you start at the foundational level. You make sure that the ground you build upon is solid before digging it up and pouring the foundation, because a solid and stable foundation is what supports the rest of the structure and everything in it. Likewise with you and your health. Get “market ready” and don’t sell yourself short. Like attracts like, and quality attracts quality. If you are tired of getting Mr. Particle Board and now looking for Mr. Hardwood, stop offering him Ikea.

2)      I feel like crap. That alone is a clear sign that something is wrong, and that my body is out of whack. As a result, I recently started learning about bowel toxemia and found out that we store approximately 5-10 pounds of putrefied and impacted fecal matter in our body. (More than that for those who are overweight.) That’s 5-10 pounds of toxic “junk in the trunk” that shouldn’t be there… and it is making us sick. Suddenly “I feel like crap” takes on a whole new meaning. Literally. Not only that, but I also found out that this accumulation of toxic waste also contributes to our low energy levels, aches/pains, memory problems and lack of concentration, water retention, and fatigue. Hmmm…check, check, check, check…and check! Got them all.

So here’s the scoop on the poop…still no alien encounters. I am now on Day 11 (Phase one) of the 30 day colon cleanse, which is going well, except that I was hoping to see this mucoid plaque thing I kept hearing and reading about. I know it sounds gross, but a secret side of me has the curiosity of a kid and I just can’t help it. I wanna know, you know?

So that’s detox #1.

For detox #2, I am doing what is called Lymphatic Drainage for 21 days. What’s that you ask? Let me tell you. Our body has what is called a lymphatic system. It is comprised of several organs, lymph nodes and vessels that somewhat resemble our circulatory system. These vessels carry a clear fluid called lymph. This lymph is what absorbs fluid, waste, dead cells, bacteria, viruses, fats, and proteins from our bodies – essentially, all the toxic buildup both internally and externally (including poor diet, stress, pollution), and then carries the toxins to the lymph nodes to be filtered out of the body. Lymphatic Drainage is a natural and manual means of helping our sluggish lymph system to be more efficient at detoxifying itself of congested lymph, as well as boosting our immune system. And although I’m definitely not looking to lose weight, apparently that’s a side effect. Not bad for a side effect eh?

Today was Day 3 of the Lymphatic Drainage detox, and so far so good. I’ve been noticing detoxing effects already from both the cleanse and the drainage, which if you don’t know, is completely natural. What it means is that the toxins are coming to the surface to be moved out of the body system. It’s not always pleasant, but think about it - I’ve just spent the last 30 years toxifying myself every day, so understandably it is certainly going to take some time to come out. What is interesting to note is that although unintentional, BOTH of my detoxes end within a day of each other too. Boy oh boy, is this going to be an interesting month!

Day 17: In the Ring

I am going to “out” myself and tell you that I missed my water and detox goals today. I am slightly bummed about it, but it is not the end of the world. I also know that you would not know if I did not tell you, and I could make you believe that I am a super-human being, but I am not. I am far too honest to deceive, almost to a fault sometimes. I am human though, and I am no different than you. I am certainly not perfect, nor will I ever claim to be. I guess you could say I am “perfectly imperfect”. Yes, I like the sound of that!

Some days I feel like I am in the centre ring, gloves on, guard up, and ready to knock the opposition (obstacles) out. Some days it knocks me out. Those are the days when I need to get back to my corner, and get refocused before heading back in. Yesterday and today were “one of those days” where my health goals were the least of my worries, and instead I felt like someone sucker punched me before delivering a devastating upper cut. In retrospect, I guess I can be thankful they didn’t pull a “Mikey” and bite off my ear! Still feeling a little stunned and a wee bit woozy from it, but no matter, all is not lost. Every moment is a learning moment and a chance to get back in the ring. Tomorrow is a brand new day...and a champ is about to be born.

ADRIAN!




(You knew that was coming, right? LOL!)

Day 16: Feed Your Mind

A new day a new month, and it’s going to be a big one judging by how it’s already started.

This blog on the “surface” is about attracting Mr. (or Mrs.) Right. At the core of it though, it is about living your potential and becoming the best YOU possible so that you can actually attract who it is that you have always wanted. I believe that if we want to create outward changes we must first start inward. So, I started off this journey by attacking some of my physical challenges one by one, and I will be for the next few months, yet. However, I also believe that feeding our mind is JUST AS important as feeding our body, which is why I choose to “input” good thoughts every single day.

Personally, I love feeding my head with inspiring thoughts, which is why I generally have such a positive and healthy outlook on life. I currently subscribe to Mike Dooley’s free “Notes from the Universe”. If you don’t know what that is, I highly recommend checking it out at www.tut.com and jump on the bandwagon. They are personalized daily messages designed to inspire you and remind you of life’s magic. It’s the one thing I look forward to receiving every morning, and it sets the pace for the rest of my day. It’s like getting up on the “right” side of the bed every day, without fail. I find it very positive and uplifting. And if you happen to be a night owl like me, then you can wait for it to come at about 1:30am and have good thoughts ease your mind before you dance with the sandman. It’s funny, how so few words can melt away whatever is going on in the moment and create such beautiful peace. I love it.

Along with receiving personalized, inspiring and encouraging daily quotes, I also want to start something else, and I hope you will join me on it. What I would like to start is a sort of book club. I am not interested in reading just any kind of book though; I am looking to read encouraging and inspiring books - books that teach us something valuable, something we can actually USE. I have a personal library of such books that I haven’t even cracked open yet, and up until now I’ve been more of a collector hoping they’d sink in through osmosis by merely sitting in the same room. Hmmm, nothing so far. How about if I just SIT on them? Nope, I am already a smart a** .  ;-)

Ok, so starting today, I want to set a goal of reading one book per month that will feed my mind, and then blog here about it once a week or so. What I would LOVE is for the reading material to start a conversation amongst readers of this blog, where we can all comment on what we are learning. Like I tell the students I teach (yes I also teach), I prefer things to be an organic conversation where everyone participates and is counted, rather than it being a one-woman gong show. I believe everyone has value in their contributions; we help each other grow. And quite frankly, I love the comments and feedback!   

So, the book I want to focus on this month I came across recently at a leadership event. The book is called “ASPIRE: Discovering Your Purpose Through the Power of Words” by Kevin Hall (foreworded by Stephen Covey). Now, to tell you the truth, like most people, I’m not really a hardcore reader. Mostly, it is because I feel I lack the time to sit down and just take a time out, and when I do have such time (which is rare) I’d rather be spending it doing something else. However, I cracked this one open recently and it was one of those books I got REALLY excited about and could hardly put it down…but I did for the sake of this blog so that we can do it together. So needless to say, I’m looking forward to reading this month and seeing what new things I can learn. Feel free to join me in the venture, as I’d love to hear more from you too!

Alright, talk to you tomorrow when I tell you more of what I’ve been up to. So much to share!