Day 24: Cliff Jumping…Going Off The Deep End

Nearly a month already gone. Boy how time flies! When I started this life detoxification process I didn’t really realize what I was getting into, nor realized how crazy it would become. I feel like Alice, you know from Alice in Wonderland. Had I known how far down the rabbit hole I would go, I don’t know if I would have actually started. And I haven’t even hit the bottom yet. Naivete can sometimes be a blessing in disguise I guess.

This journey started as a leap of faith and I am not even sure what I will find yet. The uncertainty of the unknown surely creates some anxiety, just as it would anyone else I am sure…but I am doing it anyway. It reminds me of a time I went off the deep end (literally) and went cliff jumping in Jamaica. I knew it was crazy considering how afraid I was/am of deep water and heights, but I didn’t want fear to stop me from doing things in life. So I did it anyway.

I remember it like it was yesterday, and so I should as I nearly paralyzed myself that day. The view from the bottom looking up didn’t look so bad. It seemed like a good idea at the time. “Doable!” I say. (Don’t all ideas sound/look good at the time?) The view from the top, peering over the edge however wasn’t quite the same. Took me some conversations with myself to convince myself to do it - repeating “Mind over matter! Mind over matter!”

Note to Self: Self, best to listen to your inner voice next time. Not the impulsive one that makes you buy Ben & Jerry’s Cookie Dough ice cream…the other one. Bummer I know, but it’s for your own good!

So anyway, I jumped. Now, under normal circumstances I would have been fine and survived unscathed. However, the guy at the top decides to give me some last minute advice as I am mid leap in the air with one foot already off the ground…”Make sure you jump far enough out to miss the rocks!”

Um, couldn’t you have told me that sooner…before I was mid leap!?!

On my way down I probably could have had tea with the Queen. It felt that long. I remember thinking, “Shouldn’t I have hit water by now”? And I did what you should never do…I looked down. I was only half way yet and I panicked. Unfortunately my panic made me lose form and instead of going straight in, I was at enough of an angle with my legs bent that when I hit, it felt like I slammed against concrete. The pain from the impact was so intense I nearly threw up underwater. When I finally reached the surface for what seemed an eternity I realized I couldn’t move my bottom half, and thankfully when faced in extreme circumstances my brain goes into survival mode rather than fear. My only thought was, “Ok, what do I know how to do in this moment so I do not drown?” and that was to float. So I floated and swam on my back to the safety of the rock edge until I was able to climb out. Thankfully, by the grace of God, feeling returned after a few moments, but not without major internal damage. I was blue. And I don’t mean a little blue, I mean DARK blue jean blue from hip to ankle. Yeah, try sitting with that! YOWWIE!

Wish I could tell you it was fun, but it wasn’t. But at least I can say that I have done it and lived…barely. It took me months to heal, and even after the bruising was gone the inside still hurt. It was a learning experience, and I anticipate this journey will be much the same – some parts exciting, some parts scary, some parts painful, some parts even paralyzing…but I will survive and rest assured it will be memorable.

For now I am in float mode – recovering from a temporary paralysis, and I am wading at the rocks edge getting ready to climb back out. And I tell you, this time, I will have a new appreciation for that which I almost lost.