It is true. I am. Everyone I know says I work too much and I work too hard. I don’t mean to, but I think it is somewhat ingrained in me. I come from a background in farming where you get up before everyone else does and you go to sleep after everyone else does. A farmer’s work is never done and he takes much pride in tilling his land; much the same for an entrepreneur. It is hard to walk away and take a break when you put that much of your personal energy into something that you love doing.
As with everything though there must be balance, which is why I am going to start making myself take time off. I know, that sounds weird. Not many people need to be forced to take a break…but apparently I do. It is hard to shut off the brain of an entrepreneur though, as it seems to run all the time. It is for this reason why I look forward to my Vipassana retreat experience this summer where I have no other option but to sit in silence and meditate from morning until night for 10 days straight, letting all else go. It will be quite the profound experience I am sure.
Let’s just hope that my monkey brain doesn’t go bananas.
I'm looking forward to your exciting finds on the silence retreat. As for the bed and waking part I feel you ;)that's why I'm writing now... hehe
ReplyDeleteUh... you know us monkeys need a certain amount of stimulation or else the mischievious part of us starts to come through. Food for thought... this is just my opinion.
ReplyDeleteYou're a busy, active, engaging person and it doesn't make sense to me that you would go to a retreat to meditate for 10 days. Sure, you might come out of it more relaxed, new realizations, new meaning to your life. I don't deny that, but then you'll come back to your daily routine. How would you incorporate the two?
I think you need to find your inner peace every day. Take the break you deserve, whether it be for a moment on a daily basis, or you take one day a week devoted to yourself. What I feel about meditation retreats is that it's an escape from reality. Like I said, you're an engaging person. It's a quality I love about you. For 10 days not to engage in dialogue? I'm a quiet person and that would even drive ME nuts to only be able to speak to the teacher and not allowed to talk to anyone else.
I understand that Vipassana retreats are all encompassing and do not discriminate from any other forms of religion or philosophy, which is cool. On the other hand, it is based on the Buddha's older teachings, which he denied himself were a way to live life. I'm not going to get into Buddhism too deeply here, but in short, he lived as a prince, having everything he could want in life yet found an emptiness. Once he walked out of the palace gates he found there was more to his own existence, birth, old age, sickness and death. He then decided to leave his material fortune and retreat to a monk like existence.
Literally, he found out that living that way sucked. The Buddha came to the realization that it's better to live in moderation. Not to the extremes of giving up all earthly desires, nor living the high life of a prince. Rather the Middle Way.
I think whether one believes in Buddhism or not is as important as developing the life state to live in moderation. To summarize, the Buddha lived with extreme wealth - realized that didn't make him happy; lived in isolation to clear his mind of all suffering - realized that sucks too. He found that he had to immerse himself in real life, to help oneself and to help others.
So, to make a long story longer, I feel you'll gain more by continuing to be true to yourself. From getting to talk to you, reading your blog, your tweets, you're full of joy, life and energy. To bottle that for 10 days to go inward doesn't make sense to me. You get so much joy from your work and there's nothing wrong with that. It makes more sense to me you continue doing what you've been trying to do the last few days. Get more sleep. Recharge your batteries. And take a moment or two daily to appreciate your life. I know you enjoy those small moments!
Thanks for your comments Richard. I have a few thoughts on it myself.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate you liking who I am right now, even with my monkey-mind. I actually like and have grown to appreciate who I am now as well. It's taken a while, but at least I am there!
To be honest, I don't know how I'll incorporate what I've learned at the Vipassana retreat into my daily life simply because I am not there yet. I can only live one day at a time. What I do know, is that I am meant to go there, and for what I am not sure. Sometimes the gift is in the not knowing, free from expectations. At a gut feeling level though, I feel like it will be a spiritual awakening for me...perhaps the one I have been waiting for. I just don't know, but I am willing to go and find out and see what is there for me.
You are right in saying that I need to find my inner peace every day. I do that every day I am at work. I find peace in my studio and around people. It is also my escape from reality. What I do need to learn is how to find that SAME inner peace with just me...in my own company. I actually currently do not take any time for myself, so Vipassana in a sense is a scheduled "date" with myself. If I don't set aside a time, I tend not to do it.
You are also right about me being full of life, joy, and energy..yet there is a part of me that has felt something missing for quite a long time now. There is a void within, and I can no longer keep trying to "fill" it with outwardly things.
The gap I feel quite certain is a spiritual one...and I feel I must take the journey to awaken what lay sleeping for so long. It has come time to awaken the "Snow White".