Day 94: Getting Out Of The Rat Race

I haven’t done one of those crazy work-till-you-drop days since I used to work on the cruise ships. That is probably where I started the bad habit of sleeplessness and working too much. It seemed to be a requirement there. I even remember staying up for 36 hours working onboard once. It was insane and I got REALLY sick from it. There is no question that the lack of sleep certainly wrecks havoc on one’s body. I don’t miss it. I guess as long as I am learning from the mistakes they are worth making.

Someday down the road I will look back on all this and either laugh at it or think…”What the heck was I thinking?” Perhaps even both. I will probably be much smarter and wiser by then from all my learned mistakes, at least I hope I would be. And if I don’t learn and keep slamming my fingers in the door, then it’s my own fault. Eventually something has got to give, my nervous system will kick in, and my reaction will be “Ouch, that hurt!”

I do feel like I have entered the rat race a bit though. I find myself struggling to balance the striving ahead to make something for myself and the slowing down to enjoy the life I have that seems to be whizzing by me. I seem to be living life backwards; I am scheduling free time into a work day, rather than work time into a free day. I know why I am doing it right now though, and I guess that is what keeps me at it. I am working towards setting myself free of the seeming mess I have got myself in called debt.

I never used to be in it. Up until the age of 28, I always used to prepay my cards and everything so that I would never owe interest EVER, and I didn’t. I never spent anything I didn’t have. Then I went to college, and along with my education came huge debt, stress, and now trying to climb out. And to add to the pain, I started my own business…and doubled the debt. Ouch! With all the added stress and financial stuff though, it makes me pay attention and take a look at everything and not just understand money more but gain a respect for it. It has been a huge learning curve, and I am still in it.

So for the first time in my life I have to look at budgeting and financial management, and when I look at it I have this deer in the headlights look like someone is speaking to me in Punjabi. I haven’t a hot clue. All I hear is sound and lips moving.

So what does someone do when learning a new language? Get Rosetta Stone. Unfortunately I am not learning Italian or French yet though; instead I am surrounding myself with professional people who know more than I do to set me on the right track again. So for the next couple of months I will be spending my time on getting the finances back on track. I am actually looking forward to it too, because for the first time I feel like I am in the driver’s seat and not along for the ride.

I smell freedom, do you?