Day 168: I'm Baaa-aaack!

Did you miss me? I missed you. I learned a lot over the past 12 days and I am excited to share with you all that happened at my silent meditative retreat. It was intense, yet intensely rewarding at the same time. I actually still feel like I am floating. Yes, even right now while typing, it is kind of weird. Now, for the next couple of days I will be reintegrating myself back into society which seems very…LOUD. Stay tuned for the next few blogs, there are things you won’t want to miss.

But you’ll have to wait until the 2^nd to hear about my experience there because tomorrow August 1^st marks a big day for me. Can you guess what it is?

Day 159: Vipassana Day 2

Since I am on a silent meditative retreat I thought it would be appropriate to observe the practice here for my blog too. So, for the next nine days I will be creating the space of silence on my blog, and will continue writing on July 31^st when I return. Yes, don’t worry, I will be coming back.


Wish me luck!

Day 158: Vipassana Day 1 - Ommmmm

Today is Day 1 of my silent retreat…shhhhhh. To give you an idea of what I will be going through for the next 10 days, this is what my timetable looks like:

4am                       Wake up

4:30-6:30              Meditate on own

6:30-8:00              Breakfast

8:00-9:00              Group Meditation

9:00-11:00           Meditate some more

11:00-noon         Lunch

Noon-1:00           Rest

1:00-2:30              Meditate on own

2:30-3:30              Group Meditation

3:30-5:00              Meditate some more

5:00-6:00              Tea break

6:00-7:00              Group Meditation

7:00-8:15              Teacher’s Discourse

8:15-9:00              Group Meditation

9:00-9:30              Question time (I can actually talk now)

9:30pm                 Bedtime, lights out

For someone who doesn’t meditate, that’s a whole LOT of meditating! Holy Cow.

Day 157: Go Shawty, It's Your Birthday!

I love birthdays. I especially love MY birthday. It’s the gathering of people that I love, a celebration of life, and typically one step closer wisdom. Plus you get birthday cake and ice cream…so you can’t really go wrong.

This birthday however, I chose to celebrate by going away for a while and getting to know myself on a deeper level that I have never known before. Personally, I think it is the greatest gift I could have ever given myself, and I have to thank my friend Sean for planting the seed four months ago.

I can’t help but feel like something super fantastic and great is about to happen for me though; although I am not sure what that may be. Due to the timing it sure feels like endings and beginnings…a time to reflect on where I have come from and where I am going. The dates I am gone are rather significant too. I leave for an opportunity to transform myself and my life ON my 31^st birthday; a fantastic way to set the stage for the coming year. I also return back to Vancouver on the day that I originally started my business one year ago.

 Funny how everything is coming full circle.

Day 156: If I Were A Super Hero…

My name would be Awesome, Captain Awesome. But you can call me Capt’n for short. And for no other reason than I feel pretty darn fantastic right now. That’s reason enough, right?

So why do I feel so good? Well, if I remember correctly, this is my first break from work and all forms of technology in over a year now. I can’t even cheat myself out of an actual day off this time either, like I usually do, because I am not allowed to read, write, email or phone anybody, at any time, for any reason. I guess I am learning what a work/life balance is; I swung so far one way in becoming a near workaholic, and now I am going to the opposite extreme and hoping to find myself land in the middle somewhere. Balance is what I am looking for. And you know what? It feels darn good. Why I haven’t done this sooner is beyond me. Oh well, live and learn.

One day…only one day left before I leave on a pretty deep inner journey into the unknown. Sounds kinda spooky eh?

Day 155: Forgiveness Is NOT What You Think It Is

“There is nothing in our past, no pain, no regret, no crime, nothing that cannot be forgiven. But you must ask. Start with yourself.”

That was the message I received in my inbox this morning as a daily meditation from a website I subscribe to, which was sent the day after my own blog post on forgiveness. How is that for divine timing eh? I will take that as a sign that I am in the flow and back on track again.

I know I am heading in the right direction though. I have known that I am meant to travel down this path for a while now; however I just wasn’t ready before. I needed more experiential life lessons I guess. But the evidence is clear. I have more and more people asking me about it, and to be honest, I think it would be rather selfish of me not to pass on what I have learned if it can help another person.

We teach what we need to learn most, and well…let’s just say that I am still learning. I have definitely had a lot to forgive. Not as you think though. Forgiveness rarely has anything to do with the other person.

Say what?

Yes, you heard me right. Think about it awhile until I get back from my silent retreat. I am sure we will have lots to talk about when I return.

Namaste my friends.

Day 154: Forgiveness is Freedom

Something most of you don’t know about me is that I am in training to become a Forgiveness Coach. Actually, that was my original business plan to start with. And although massage comes very natural for me and I absolutely LOVE doing it, I actually never meant to be a massage practitioner…that happened quite by accident and more out of necessity and survival.

It was forgiveness, not massage, which inspired me to want to be of service to others. It was forgiveness that originally brought me to you. However, due to several unforeseen circumstances, I had to postpone the work I was doing, and just now I find myself drawn back to it.

The past few days I have been immersing myself pretty heavily in the very thing that brought me to who I am today, and what I know I am meant to bring forth to others. In my humble opinion, I also think it is the one thing on this Earth that everyone could use, understand, and learn how to do, whether they consciously know it or not. It goes deeper and touches more aspects of our lives that one would think. The question is, are you ready for it? And how far down the rabbit hole would you like to go if it meant internal peace and happiness?

As you can see and will get to know about me in the coming months, forgiveness is something I am super passionate about. Why? Because I have a lot of experience with it, especially in things one would wonder how it was possible.

But it is not really about the “how”. Knowing “how” is only secondary to the most important question…”why”. Why would you want to forgive? And when you find your why, the how will present itself. My why was for freedom…and when I was ready, forgiveness found me. And from that, I found the kind of peace within that most people only dream of.

Hold on to your hats folks, I have a feeling things are going to get interesting from here on in.

Day 153: Going On A Silent Meditative Retreat…And I Don’t Even Meditate

Only four more days. Are you as nervous as I am? You should see all the funny looks I get when I mention that I am going away for two weeks on a silent meditative retreat. One of the funniest responses I got was, “So you can’t talk AT ALL? Not even a little?” Nope, not even a little. That would defeat the purpose of “silent retreat” wouldn’t it?

I will admit that I have been a bit nervous about it myself lately. I mean, forget the no talking rule for a moment…there is something far more serious at stake here. I don’t even meditate. Yes, that’s right I’m jumping right into the deep end; which means I will be sitting and meditating for ten hours a day. So in “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” fashion, in order to gain more insight into the situation I chose to use a lifeline and I phoned a friend to walk me through the fear.

His advice? Do it one day at a time and be all in. If I want to make the most of it, don’t cheat; participate fully, follow the rules, and do everything. In other words, if I am going to do it, then DO IT. Which makes sense, right? I didn’t chose to take the time off work to do this half-assed, and only get half-assed results. What would be the point in that?

Day 152: Signs of Aging

What is this getting up at 6am thing? I thought only grandparents do that. But here I am, finding myself wide awake at the crack of dawn which is even before six. I have been like this for the past couple of weeks. Being a late riser, this is totally a new concept to me. Does this mean that I am officially getting old? What a weird thought. Thankfully my face hasn’t caught up with the number of my years; and even though my mind speaks as if I am older, I am still young at heart.

I am not scared of getting older though…just curious about it. I notice a few differences now; things that weren’t there before. White hair would be one of those things; thankfully I color my hair blonde so that it is less obvious. I remember bugging my mom as a kid about hers, and now I have them. I think mine is stress-related though. Come to think about it, she probably could too…she had kids. HA!

Perhaps randomly getting up at 6am is not necessarily a bad thing though. They say most successful people are early risers. If that is true, then maybe getting up with the sun isn’t such a bad idea after all. I mean, who doesn’t want to be successful? I guess if I want to roll with the big wigs, then I better learn to play like the big wigs.

Bring on the worms…this early bird is ready to rumble!

Day 151: I Feel Like I Am Dying

Don’t worry, I don’t mean a physical death. I do feel like a part of me is dying however...like I am going through a rite of passage or something. July 20^th marks the end of another birth year, another chapter in my life, and the departure from a way of being that once was and will no longer be when I return. Needless to say, this Vipassana retreat has got me feeling a little nervous. Only six days more days now. Gosh, how time flies.

Day 150: Are You Ready For It? Meet My Mr. Right.

You want to hear something funny? I almost always end up being attracted to someone I never initially liked nor was attracted to when I first met them. The ones that last I mean.

The attractor factor usually changes though when they do something unexpected that shows genuine care. Sometimes it’s even a helping hand when I need it or a hand on the shoulder in tough times…because it shows that they are dependable, reliable, and more importantly there for me. But surprisingly, it is not even about the task. People typically don’t remember what you do; they remember how they feel when you do it.

It’s true. People don’t care what you know until they know that you care, and I for one am like that in relationships. I take notice of actions and the little things. It is how they make me feel when I am around them, and when that happens they look like the shiniest gem on the earth; something I truly treasure. And when I am in…I am all in. For me it’s about personality, consideration of others, someone I count on to be there, and a genuine kindness. It is about the person and who they truly are. That’s what gets noticed. It really is about the little things.

Despite popular belief, it is not the big things but the little things that matter. It is the little things that add up, and when you pay attention to them the payoff is big. It’s about the dandelion you pick for me on our walk because I told you once that they remind me of the sun and I like them; not the fast ride you drive. It is about cooking with me in the kitchen and sharing the experience together; not the house we cook it in. It is about sharing with me your passion and yours dreams and the kind of day you’ve had at work; not the kind of job you have. Someone who understands that it is not even what you are doing; it is that you are doing it together.

And last, but certainly not least, when choosing my Mr. Right I am looking for someone who sees me like it’s the first time…every time. Someone who sees me as I am and tells me…"I've been waiting for a girl like you..."

Day 149: Oops!

Well that wasn’t supposed to happen. My “20 minute” power nap turned into a six hour of out-cold-dead-to-the-world and waking up thinking “Where am I?” kind of sleep. I don’t remember a thing. I have been cheating on my sleep for the past two days, and apparently my body is telling me enough is enough. Bodies know best. How foolish am I if I think I can outsmart it.

Anyway, a friend asked me a question today which I had intended on answering as part of today’s post.

“So you’re blogging about a finding a guy right? What are you looking for?” he queried.

To which I replied, “Well, it is actually really about personal development and growth, but good question. What am I looking for? A lot.”

But since it is well after midnight and I am still operating in fuzzy-brain mode, which means any attempt to tell you would be mixed with a delirium at this point, it is probably best that I write to you tomorrow and tell you. I don’t particularly enjoy head-bobble writing anymore; you know the kind where I write a bit, fall asleep at the computer, and then wake up in a jerk STILL at my computer wondering how long I have been out for. Then I write, read the same sentence I just wrote, forget what I read, rinse and repeat. And what should only take me about 20 minutes to write turns into two hours. It’s kind of like being drunk minus the booze, the hangover, or the empty wallet the next day. Anyone watching would laugh at me. Heck I would be laughing at me too. It’s kind of funny…and sad. HA!

So tomorrow it is. Which means, if you are interested in knowing what my Mr. Right looks like, stay tuned!

*cue twilight music*

Day 148: Adventure Is My Middle Name

Nine more days and counting…wait…I mean eight. Apparently I can’t count today. There’s a lot to do in not a whole lot of days. I have no idea where time goes. It feels like it just snuck up on me. I have been putting my nose to the ground these days though and plugging away at everything pretty hard to get things done. I will be gone for two weeks, and I would rather come back to orderliness than chaos if at all possible.

Ten days of pure quiet, stillness and meditation. Not a peep, not a whisper, not a “How do you do?” I must say I am a little bit nervous as I don’t really know what to expect. Heck, I don’t even meditate. HA! Talk about jumping in the deep end first. But that’s me. I like the mystery, I like the adventure, I like doing things I have never done before. I am an explorer; I always have been. And this is no ordinary trek. To be honest, if I don’t do it this way and just be open to whatever, I might not do it. Just like skydiving, cliff jumping, and owning my own business…if I had thought about it too long before jumping in I probably wouldn’t have done it. Some things are just better done on the fly.

I wonder, with ten days of sitting in silence with my eyes closed the whole time, do you think anyone would notice if I fell asleep for part of it? Would you rat me out? God knows I could sure use the rest.

Shhhhhh!   ;o)

Day 147: A Homeless Man, A Banana And A Humble Awakening

I learned a powerful lesson and the true gift of giving today. I can’t even begin to express how I feel right now. I have no words. Touched, moved and inspired are the closest I can come. Although you cannot see me, I have been literally moved to tears; overwhelmed with a sense of joy, happiness, and gratitude. And believe it or not, it all started with a homeless man. How so? Let me tell you.

When I moved to Vancouver, I had never seen a homeless man before. It was new, it was foreign to me…and it broke my heart. When I first came here I would pass by them on my way to school every day, and it made me sad to see how a country as well off as ours can’t even feed and shelter our own people when I know there is more than enough to go around. I just don’t understand it. There is something seriously wrong with our system.

Now I will be the first to admit that since arriving here, I have almost become desensitized to the whole situation; of which I am not proud. I moved here as a student and so hardly had two pennies to rub together, yet always felt guilty when having to say no to their requests for money because I truly wanted to help but I didn’t have the means to do it. However today was different…not sure why, but it was. Today I actually heard beyond their request, and instead of hearing “I need money”, I heard, “I am hungry”. And instead of saying “Sorry I can’t” I said, “All I have is a banana. Would you like a banana instead?”

And that’s all it took. My mind had switched from one of lack to one of abundance; focusing on what I DO have and what I CAN give rather than what I don’t have or can’t give. And you know what? I have never seen a more sincerely grateful man in my whole life. His face changed. For the first time I saw him his eyes told me everything I needed to know. It wasn’t even about the banana anymore; it was about compassion – love, tenderness and kindness towards another human being. And to be honest, between us two, I think I got the greater gift…a connection to my heart that money cannot buy.

It’s true what they say, “The gift is in the giving.”

Day 146: The Count Down is On…SERENITY NOW!

I am not sure if I told you already, but I finally got my acceptance letter to attend the Vipassana retreat down in Washington…the state, not the city. I am pretty sure I forgot to mention it, so now you now…and I leave in 10 days. That also means I will be busting my butt from now until then to get all my business stuff in order before I go.

Now for those of you who don’t know what a Vipassana is (and don’t worry, I didn’t before either), it is a ten day silent, meditative retreat. That means no talking. It also means no reading, no writing, no physical contact with anyone either…including hugs. Did I mention no talking? So sad. But there is a rhyme and reason for it all I am sure. At least that is what I am told.

This Vipassana retreat came highly recommended by a couple of my guy friends, who have also been through it and rave about it. Apparently you come back transformed. As long as I don’t come back as a goat I am happy. Kidding. (Double pun…LOL!)

Seriously though, from what I gather it is about letting go of the monkey-mind and finding some peace in the silence of what is. It’s about surrendering.

SERENITY NOW!

...insanity later.

Day 145: From Social Butterfly to Social Media

I used to be a bit of a social butterfly back in my day. A little more recent than your grandfathers “uphill both ways barefoot through ten feet of snow days”, but far enough back that I can still say “back in the day”. You know the days when being a social butterfly meant you actually talked to people, you meet and greet and get to know them…in person. Sounds pretty crazy, I know, but people actually did that once upon a time.

But times have changed and so have we. Our focus has shifted from social butterfly to social media. If you are not sure what that means, you are reading one form of it…blogs, FaceBook, Twitter, LinkedIn, etc. It’s a not-so-new-anymore form of communication that has spread like wildfire, and if you’re not on the bandwagon, you’ll get left behind in the smoke. So as much as I used to resist it, the saying still rings true…”if you can’t beat them, join them.” So I joined them.

As I shared yesterday, communication is absolutely essential when it comes to building and fostering solid relationships; business relationships are no exception. And as a blogger, I figured that learning how best to communicate my thoughts and then engage with others would probably be a good idea. So I took a suggestion from Dale Carnegie and sought out someone who knew waaay more than I do on the subject. His name is Owen Clark.

Now Owen, in my eyes, is a pretty brilliant man. He is a dreamer, he is a doer, he is passionate about everything he does, he constantly seeks to learn and grow himself as well as help others, he is a master networker, a business owner since he was a teen, and at the heart of it all an entrepreneur through and through. He is an all-around good guy, and is very much like me… except older and a little farther down entrepreneurial the road. To make a long story short, Owen is Mr. Social Media and he practices what he preaches. So when I had the opportunity to learn from him and emulate what he does in the business realm, I jumped on board. Twice.

I took Owen’s in-class course called “Social Media in 30min A Day” about a month ago now, and it has radically changed how I relate to others in the online realm and has helped me do business.  AND when I actually implemented the easy to learn steps I got results, and I got them relatively fast. It is really not rocket-science, but it sure helped to have someone guide me through something I never really understood before. And now, because of him, not only can I connect with you (my readers) better, but I also don’t have to fumble around and waste precious time trying to figure it all out by myself. No need to pave a new road when there is already one there.

So if you are like me and need some help in the social media realm, whether to manage it, spend less time on it, know what to post and when, create content, etc., I would highly recommend Owen’s course and let him help you get connected. Lucky for you, you no longer have to drive anywhere as it is now available online. How is that for cool? If you are curious and want to know more, check out this video:

And then head to http://socialmediabyowen.com for more information about the social media course, about Owen, and his 120-day risk free guarantee. Absolutely NOTHING to lose…you can’t really get better than that.

Trust me, if you are a business owner, it is sooooo worth it.

…and hey, if nothing, at least you’ll have a lot more new people to StalkBook. HAHA! Kidding of course. Don’t do that…or at least don’t get caught. ;o)

Day 144: Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway

Communication is key…to pretty much everything. Whether it is personal or business, it is the essential building block for anything to work. At least in my opinion it is. I don’t know about you, but I find that the most difficult of these two (personal or business), is the personal side of communication; voicing something that matters TO someone who matters.

I don’t know why it is, but I can talk to pretty much ANYONE in the world EXCEPT for he who captures my attention. For some reason, when I am around someone I like, my brain goes to complete mush and I sound like a moron when I speak. I wish it didn’t happen this way, as I think I am a pretty bright person, but it happens all the time.

So guess what I did? I did exactly what I feared the most. I said what was exactly on my mind to the ONE person I wanted to say it to the least…the guy I like. I felt about as vulnerable and naked as the day I was born. And to tell you the truth, after I said it I wanted to barf. Yes barf. Now how attractive is that, eh?

“Hey, guess what…I really think you are great.”  *Bleaaaahhhhh*

MMmmmm…yummay. (Not).

Let me be frank with you though. It took everything I had to be truthful and open and honest and not do what I usually do…run scared in the opposite direction and then later regret not saying something, only  to torture myself later by living in the “what if”. But I have done that before. And you know what? It never worked. Truly, if you want something different for yourself, you also have to DO something different than you have ever done before. So I did.

You know what I learned? When you speak your truth, that gut-wrenching feeling disappears. I also learned that I won’t all of a sudden stop breathing, have a heart attack, nor drop dead because of it.

And even though he may not feel the same way as I do, it is ok, I will be ok...and he's still just as great. I will still live to see another day and life does go on. And to be perfectly honest, I am far too busy and still not ready for a relationship anyway and probably won't be for a while. What I really could use is a best friend. That's really what I am after...something I can foster and grow. Someone who truly knows me and loves me anyway. 

I do think it is important to let those in your life who matter know though...even if does make you nauseous. Do you really want to wait until they are six feet under to tell them the truth of how you feel? I don't. I already have one of those, and I don't want to repeat it. So now I like to let those who matter know...and what becomes of that, you just never know.

Day 143: Original Intent - Goal #3…The Most Important (Part 4 of 4)

And last, but certainly not least, my third objective of this blog…and probably the most important. Goal number three satisfies my life’s desire to lead, educate and inspire people; creating positive change. It is my belief that by sharing the things I do on a personal level that people can and will relate, and hopefully it will help those who need to see whatever I shared at that particular moment. It is through sharing that we find our similarities to each other and accept our humanness. When we open up to people, we open up possibilities both within ourselves and outside of ourselves. When we relate and see that we are not alone in whatever it is we are going through, we make this a smaller place, a friendlier place worth living in. A place we can identify as home, and people as family.

There are MANY things about me you still don’t know, and although I look young I am more of an old soul. Looks can be deceiving, and I am pretty rich in experiences already for only being 30. I can bet that I can relate to almost anything you can throw at me. The experiences I have had, I neither mark as good nor bad, but are rather tools to help me help others better. So I share them with you. They have been what shaped me and made me who I am, and I am not sorry for them, nor regret them…not even the ugliest and the darkest of it all. These are the things that have made me compassionate, kind and caring. And those qualities happen to be what most people like about me.

This third goal is all about heart and connection. And that my friends, is where I come from. I am just as human as you are…I hurt, I love, I cry, I feel pain, I feel joy, I get angry, I feel fear…and all of it is ok. None is better than the other. And through it all, I want you to know that anything is possible, love conquers all, unity is our purpose, and everything will be ok in the end. And if it not ok, it is not the end.

So my fellow readers, if there is something you like or don’t like about what I share here, I invite you to tell me. What is it that you want to see more of/less of? What would give you the most value?

I welcome you, and I welcome your feedback.

Much love my friends...thank you for being on this journey with me. xox

Day 142: Original Intent - Goal #2 (Part 3 of 4)

My second objective of this blog is to find the only thing I have ever wanted in life…love. I believe that is why we are here. Until now I have always met Mr. Wrong, and through no fault but my own. Now, I am looking at defining EXACTLY what it is that I want in my life…and to BECOME the kind of person I want to attract. Love isn’t just a crapshoot anymore; this time I CHOOSE. And since like attracts like, and I am looking for something in particular, then I better be sure that I am on the same page. I believe that is only fair.

But love is more than just an outwardly want and attracting a mate. That is REALLY only secondary to what’s actually going on underneath. Love, starts with the self and blossoms outward. It is when we learn to love and accept ourselves fully, that we can then truly love another in our highest and purest capacity. And that, my friends, is what it is all about.

So, the second half of my goal is a personal journey of self-development, exploration, and defining. It is a look at old patterns, foraging new ones and sometimes voicing them out loud. It also helps me see what is happening so that I can take inventory of what is really going on. There are some things that I do not have in order yet, and this forum helps keep me accountable. Actually, it is YOU the reader that keeps me accountable, so I appreciate all the feedback, tips and tricks you have given me over this journey thus far. Muchas gracias amigos!

Tomorrow…Goal #3!

Day 141: Original Intent - Goal #1 (Part 2 of 4)

So here is it. The main objective of this whole blog is to turn my life around…a 180 degree flip. Not that it was bad before, but it wasn’t so great either. I’ve been doing the same thing over and over for years and getting the same darn results. Funny that. So I was and am looking to shake things up a bit. I want to live my life by design. If I am the director of my own life movie, I better get directing. And let me tell you, since I have started, things have been SHAKEN.

The challenges ahead of me are many, but first and foremost, my objective is to reclaim my health back and try to educate both myself and you (if you are interested) on how to get inspired, take charge, and take action on why you would even want to do these things. I hope somewhere along the way that you gain value and that I can tell you something you don’t already know. Taking charge of one’s health and one’s life and re-educating ourselves on it is not just about looking good, it’s about owning your own power and discovering who you are in the process…and whether you care about yourself enough to do it. Trust me, this goes deeper than you think.  It is something we have to want for ourselves not because someone says you or I should do so…but because WE want something different for ourselves. Whether it is about weight, self-esteem, or just wanting to look and feel better, we all have our reasons. And honestly, if I can do it so can you. I am probably the worst stubborn person when it comes to changing habits, but I assure you, if you want it bad enough, it is doable. It is true, change is NOT natural for humans to accept; we consistently resist it. Yet if your “why” is big enough, you will do anything for it. Mind over matter; that’s when growth happens.

So I started this journey because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Seriously, I was in pretty poor condition – poor diet, poor sleeping habits, no exercise, injured, barely any energy, fairly toxic body, dehydrated, etc. And since I have started this blog, I have been focused very heavily on correcting all of the aforementioned. And so far, so good! I have switched up what is in my refrigerator and started gradually following the “Eat Right For Your Blood Type” nutrition program. I have also started sleeping at least 6 hours per night…double what I had before…AND I usually wake up BEFORE my alarm now. It helps that I have just recently started blogging earlier too.

I have also just started drinking more water again, as well as hiring Ted Loo from Ted Loo Fitness (www.tedloofitness.com) Vancouver’s BEST Personal Trainer as voted by the Georgia Straight (meaning he was voted by you!) to get my butt back into shape after suffering a rather severe leg injury for the past five months… and much much more. So I am slowly getting myself back on track and optimizing my health so that I can not only feel better, but be better able to serve my massage clients (www.nicolevandamme.com). Both massage and energy work requires that I be in tip top health, so I don’t just do this for me, but also for you.

Stay tuned tomorrow for Goal #2!

Day 140: Original Intent (Part 1 of 4)

So I was asked the other day, “What is the purpose of your blog?” I thought I was clear with it with my very first blog post, but perhaps not. So I will tell you what it is exactly that I want to accomplish so as not to confuse anyone.

Despite trying to remain single for the duration of this year long venture, that is NOT my main focus. It HAS been the topic of my latest blogs though, only because I have taken an interest in someone whom I think is super fantastic, and they cross my mind every day. It drives me bananas.

But no, “singledom” is not the main objective, nor is remaining single until February 14^th the actual goal. I chose to do my adventure being single with the intention that it would keep me focused on my actual goals, so I would not get distracted from what I truly want for myself. To be honest, I think it distracts me more. Tell me I can’t have and all I want is to have. I am no different than anybody else. I believe it is part of human nature. So will I continue to stay single for the whole year? Who knows. Ask me after I come back from my Vipassana retreat when I go to find peace and answers within my own soul for 10 days.

So then, if being single is NOT the objective, what is? Well, there are three parts to that answer. Stay tuned tomorrow for Part 1.

Is the suspense killing you yet?

Day 139: My Greatest Fault

I would have to say that my greatest fault (not my only one) but my greatest one is that I love too deeply. If there is a possibility of loving people too much, then that would be me. I can’t help it; I have always been that way. And when my heart is open the feeling is intense and I feel like a thousand watt light bulb. Honestly, I really do like this trait about me. The only thing I don’t like about it is that the deeper I love, the harder I fall.

This brings me to my blog post from yesterday. In hindsight, although yes I do need to get focused on my tasks at hand, there was something more to it than that - an underlying motive. I realized that I was all of a sudden scared of getting hurt yet again, so I justified my refocus onto something that won’t. Interesting eh? I thought so.

Love, however, is the one thing my whole life I have consistently believed in. It is what I have always dreamed of, and it is what I live for. No matter how many times I get hurt, I pick myself back up and do it again. And I will continue to do so until I find what I am looking for…or he finds me. Either way, I will not give up. And when we do meet or if we have met and we finally recognize who we are to each other, I look forward to a lifetime of loving more than the oceans are deep, and endless as the skies above.

Day 138: Get Focused

Ok, enough with the boy crazy for a while, I really need to get less distracted and more focused. I am four and a half months in, and I really don’t want to fumble my original intent and what I set out to accomplish. My aunt said something that really caught my attention yesterday, “If you don’t complete your journey, what was the purpose?” And you know, I hate to admit it, but she is right. It would be all for naught. And that’s not all, I have been a smitten kitten over someone I don’t even know likes me. Patience, a virtue I guess I must re-learn. Back to the drawing board I go.

So I only have 19 days until my Vipassana trip, not counting today. Not long now. And in those 19 days I have a LOT to do, so I best make the most of it. No more tinkering around, I can think of boys when I come back. For now I seriously need to get serious. I finally got accepted to go to the Washington Vipassana the other day, but I am still waiting on news of a ride-share to go down there. If I don’t find one, I can’t go. Cross your fingers for me peeps…I really feel like I need to go.