Day 144: Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway

Communication is key…to pretty much everything. Whether it is personal or business, it is the essential building block for anything to work. At least in my opinion it is. I don’t know about you, but I find that the most difficult of these two (personal or business), is the personal side of communication; voicing something that matters TO someone who matters.

I don’t know why it is, but I can talk to pretty much ANYONE in the world EXCEPT for he who captures my attention. For some reason, when I am around someone I like, my brain goes to complete mush and I sound like a moron when I speak. I wish it didn’t happen this way, as I think I am a pretty bright person, but it happens all the time.

So guess what I did? I did exactly what I feared the most. I said what was exactly on my mind to the ONE person I wanted to say it to the least…the guy I like. I felt about as vulnerable and naked as the day I was born. And to tell you the truth, after I said it I wanted to barf. Yes barf. Now how attractive is that, eh?

“Hey, guess what…I really think you are great.”  *Bleaaaahhhhh*

MMmmmm…yummay. (Not).

Let me be frank with you though. It took everything I had to be truthful and open and honest and not do what I usually do…run scared in the opposite direction and then later regret not saying something, only  to torture myself later by living in the “what if”. But I have done that before. And you know what? It never worked. Truly, if you want something different for yourself, you also have to DO something different than you have ever done before. So I did.

You know what I learned? When you speak your truth, that gut-wrenching feeling disappears. I also learned that I won’t all of a sudden stop breathing, have a heart attack, nor drop dead because of it.

And even though he may not feel the same way as I do, it is ok, I will be ok...and he's still just as great. I will still live to see another day and life does go on. And to be perfectly honest, I am far too busy and still not ready for a relationship anyway and probably won't be for a while. What I really could use is a best friend. That's really what I am after...something I can foster and grow. Someone who truly knows me and loves me anyway. 

I do think it is important to let those in your life who matter know though...even if does make you nauseous. Do you really want to wait until they are six feet under to tell them the truth of how you feel? I don't. I already have one of those, and I don't want to repeat it. So now I like to let those who matter know...and what becomes of that, you just never know.