Day 174: The Vipassana Experience – My “AH HA” Moment

It happened on Day 3. The light bulb went on. Well actually, it was one of many AH HA moments, but this one was THE big one that set the stage for the rest of my course there.

In the afternoon of the third day I found myself to be rather unsettled, so I went out for a walk along one of the many paths through the field of daisies and wild grasses and stopped to sit awhile on an old bench near a tree, and looked out to the snow covered mountain through a clearing in the distance. It was there that I asked God/Universe…whatever you want to call it… “What do you want from me?”

I questioned why I was there, what was this all about, what am I doing this for, and what am I here to learn. I trusted all the signs that brought me here…now what? Where do I go from here?

I sat there in silence awhile as emotions came and went…and then it hit me. What has been my major focus lately? My blog. Attracting Mr.Right. Relationships. Love. When I really looked at the big picture, my WHOLE LIFE has been focused around love. It is also the one thing that has brought me much misery over the years ever since I can remember. Interesting.

With this new insight and “Ah Ha!” moment, I felt more at peace. At least I have something from which to work from. Little did I know that this merely scratched the surface but at least I had something. And on my walk back to my room I found a small reminder of my purpose here in the form of a rock…a heart-shaped rock. I put it in my pocket and kept it there for the reminder of my stay, so that each time I found it I would remember. It was one of many that I found but I stopped collecting after five. I was thinking:

1.       Five is the perfect size of family

2.       If I collect any more rocks I am going to have a suitcase full of them that I would have to explain it to border security

But it didn’t stop there. I found heart-shapes everywhere. I found it in the clover leaves, I found it inscribed on the benches, I found it in the dry spots of the gravel after a rain, and I even found it in the defect on the polished floor where I meditated. I certainly didn’t look for it; it just happened that every time I looked down, everywhere I looked, I was reminded of love. My journey, my purpose here, was about love.

Just not what I thought it meant though. Stay tuned…