Day 274: What Is Your Love Language?

When you are genuinely interested in someone, it would be wise to stay curious. Get to know them. And I don’t mean the “What’s your favorite colour?” kind of curiosity, although there’s nothing wrong with knowing that either.  What I mean is get to know who they are – their needs, their personality, how they think, how they express and communicate love, etc. I mean, if you want in for the long-haul, it might be a good idea to know what makes their motor run don’t you think?

We’ve all heard it before – communication is key. It really is. And now that I am in the beginning phase of a relationship again, I am just starting to grasp what exactly that means. It’s about understanding. Not sure what I mean? Let me share with you.

You see, I just discovered that Mr. Elevator and I have different love languages, which means we express and receive love differently. How I express it to him and how I want to receive it back are different than how he expresses it and how he needs to receive it back. Why is this important? Well, have you ever tried filling a diesel tank with gas instead? (I have. Oops!) The vehicle won’t go very far will it! Even though both diesel and gas are types of fuel, one is a better fit for that particular engine and is what fuels the car to go forward. Same thing applies for relationships. Filling the other person’s “love tank” with the correct fuel will make it go the distance; however, fill it with the wrong one and you are destined to go to the repair shop. Catch my drift?

So what are these love languages I speak of? Check out the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. I read it five years ago, and I am re-reading it again. In a nutshell, the five love languages are this:

1.       Words of Affirmation

2.       Quality Time

3.       Receiving Gifts

4.       Acts of Service

5.       Physical Touch

Before you go trying to figure out the other person though, I suggest figuring out what yours are first. Get to know thy self. Do you know what your love language is? Not sure? Here’s a hint: it’s usually the one(s) you do the most. Mine are words of affirmation, quality time, and physical touch…probably in that order too. What are yours?

If you’re in a relationship, but not feeling “full” then chances are you are simply communicating differently. First, get curious as to what makes the other person feel appreciated and do more of that. Second, they are not mind readers. Tell them what you want. Chances are, if they truly care, that they will want you to feel good too.

Seek first to understand…then to be understood.

Day 273: Follow The Signs

Exactly a month has passed since my last update, and since then I had decided that enough was enough already. I completed my one year manbatical on October 28^th and started seeing Mr. Elevator. I am not saying he’s Mr. Right or anything; however when all the arrows are clearly pointing in one direction, sometimes you just gotta follow the signs and trust wherever it is going to lead. In my case, these signs were clearly marked, in my face, and hard to miss. Everything within told me it would be an opportunity I would regret taking if I didn’t, so I went with it. It reminds me of a story I was told once that goes something like this:

There was a man who escaped a shipwreck and clung to a piece of driftwood for his dear life. He called out to God and prayed, “God, please save me.” That day a fisherman in a small boat comes by and asks if he needs help. The man on the driftwood said, “No thank you. God will save me.” So the fisherman keeps going.

The second day the man again pleads to God and prays, “God, please save me!” That day a cruise ship comes by and the captain asks if he needs help. The man again declined saying, “No thank you. God will save me.”

On the third day, the man now frozen, tired and hungry again cries out, “God, please save me!” That day a helicopter flew by and the pilot asked if the man would like some help. Again the man declined. That night the man drowned.

When he got to heaven the man asked, “God why didn’t you help me? Three times I prayed to you for help?”

To which God replied, “I sent you a fisherman, a captain and a pilot…what more do you want?”

So the long and short of it is: I wasn’t about to let another opportunity slip by because it didn’t follow my plan as I thought it should look on MY timeline. No. I asked… I received… and this time I chose to hop in the boat. Plain and simple.

I still can’t even explain what happened. I literally felt magnetized by this guy when I met him like I HAD to know him, although I am still not sure why. And just so you know, that’s NEVER happened to me before. Have you ever experienced such a thing? I’ve been told that it is called “harmonic resonance”, where like attracts like. You know, like when you are in a room full of people and the ONE person you happen to talk to that evening does, did, or experienced the same thing as you…and you have that “Really? Me too!” moment. Except that I haven’t discovered that part yet.

 So I find myself approaching this relationship very differently this time around …from a place of curiosity; like a piece of a puzzle and I am trying to figure out where it fits.  I am not sure what it is I am about to learn from it yet, but rest assured I will be learning something. There is, after all, a rhyme and reason for everything in life.

At least that is what I believe. How about you?