Day 274: What Is Your Love Language?

When you are genuinely interested in someone, it would be wise to stay curious. Get to know them. And I don’t mean the “What’s your favorite colour?” kind of curiosity, although there’s nothing wrong with knowing that either.  What I mean is get to know who they are – their needs, their personality, how they think, how they express and communicate love, etc. I mean, if you want in for the long-haul, it might be a good idea to know what makes their motor run don’t you think?

We’ve all heard it before – communication is key. It really is. And now that I am in the beginning phase of a relationship again, I am just starting to grasp what exactly that means. It’s about understanding. Not sure what I mean? Let me share with you.

You see, I just discovered that Mr. Elevator and I have different love languages, which means we express and receive love differently. How I express it to him and how I want to receive it back are different than how he expresses it and how he needs to receive it back. Why is this important? Well, have you ever tried filling a diesel tank with gas instead? (I have. Oops!) The vehicle won’t go very far will it! Even though both diesel and gas are types of fuel, one is a better fit for that particular engine and is what fuels the car to go forward. Same thing applies for relationships. Filling the other person’s “love tank” with the correct fuel will make it go the distance; however, fill it with the wrong one and you are destined to go to the repair shop. Catch my drift?

So what are these love languages I speak of? Check out the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. I read it five years ago, and I am re-reading it again. In a nutshell, the five love languages are this:

1.       Words of Affirmation

2.       Quality Time

3.       Receiving Gifts

4.       Acts of Service

5.       Physical Touch

Before you go trying to figure out the other person though, I suggest figuring out what yours are first. Get to know thy self. Do you know what your love language is? Not sure? Here’s a hint: it’s usually the one(s) you do the most. Mine are words of affirmation, quality time, and physical touch…probably in that order too. What are yours?

If you’re in a relationship, but not feeling “full” then chances are you are simply communicating differently. First, get curious as to what makes the other person feel appreciated and do more of that. Second, they are not mind readers. Tell them what you want. Chances are, if they truly care, that they will want you to feel good too.

Seek first to understand…then to be understood.